I got this question:
Can I consult briefly in your area of expertise of sensitivity? A female client cannot stand the noise of people eating, especially with their mouths open. We have cleared quite a lot of trees with EFT, but this is the forest we’d like to clear in the next session. It is ‘wrecking her life’.
As an EFT Practitioner who relates closely to all you have written in your e-mail about sensitivity, I have had the same problem all my 67 years. I could kill someone crunching crisps (chips to you over the water!). Both my client and I go hot, furious, have to get away – but when working with her I ‘pretend’ to be now in control of it.
Needless to say, this makes me feel a bit stuck – she says she has been to loads of ‘experts’ who can’t understand why it would annoy her (!!!! how could it not?). So it would be great to unstick both of us. She is resistant to practising EFT at home, but works well during a session.
I’ve just this afternoon been thinking around ‘Even though noisy and bad-mannered eating drives me wild, I choose to be calm, confident and able to tolerate it’.
Have you any better ideas? I would be truly grateful.
My response:
This is a good question!
I too am driven a little crazy by the sound of people eating, and the unconscious rudeness of someone chewing with their mouth open. I agree with you. It is disgusting!
Many sensitive people are hyper aware of noises, especially body ones, especially icky body ones. We could make lists of these behaviors we encounter all the time. We are disturbed by many smells, sounds, images, physical sensations, or behaviors that many other people would not even notice.
Should we use EFT to deal with this? For me, this question brings up the presuppositions behind the question.
The main presupposition is this: “If I can’t stand this, there must be something wrong with me.” In other words, surely the obnoxious sloppy unconscious chewer is right, and you are wrong.
Let me suggest that maybe you and your client are right. What if you are not stuck? What if it makes perfect sense to be annoyed, even sort of sickened by certain noises or smells or sensations?
Personally, I don’t think that the answer is to beat ourselves up with judgement and tapping until we can stand to hear those noises. If that is even possible.
What about making a point of avoiding people or situations like that? I would. While acknowledging to myself that they have the problem, not me… There is a limit to how calm, confident and tolerant we should be, don’t you think?
If I encounter those disturbing sounds, whether it is obnoxious chewing or the constant sound of a loud TV, or whatever it is that is offending my delicate senses, I want to find a way to minimize the sight or sound or smell as much as possible, as soon as possible.
And then I would plot to change my likelihood of re-encountering whatever is offensive. Including experts who can’t understand what is wrong with me for being so bothered. Change experts.
I believe that we have the right to exist in a space without icky chewing noises.
I also want to say, on the other side of the equation, that the only way we can participate in this world is through our bodies. Think of the beauty, joy and pleasure that we would miss without a body! And think of how much more deeply a sensitive person can experience beauty and harmony, and the blessing of that.
When you come across ickiness, in its many forms, something is wrong here. And it is not you. Maybe it is not even them.
I think of these times as an opportunity to set my boundaries. It is an opportunity to employ my favorite spiritual phrases:
“Oh well.”
“So what?”
“They are doing the best they can.”
“I’m doing the best I can.”
And as my friend Wendy says, “It is not my duck.” I forget the (true) story that has this as the punchline, but it is a great way of saying, “This is not my problem. I don’t have to fix this.”
Feel free to respond. And disagree (if you do)!
If you are interested in learning more about how I approach sensitivity with tapping and spirituality (and tapping and spirituality with sensitivity), go here:
https://www.intuitivementoring.com/books-dvds/
With my love and blessing to you,
Rue
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