What do you do when you feel like you are on the threshold of a change, and it is scary? You want to step forward, but something pulls you back.
Taking this step is a change that a part of you deeply wants to make. On the other hand, there are other voices inside saying, “Don’t go there! You are not ready for this! Remember what happened the last time you tried this? You might make a fool of yourself. You will just worry yourself to pieces! And what will everyone think?”
You might be experiencing an internal conflict between wanting to choose what your spirit knows inside is right for you, and feeling like you need to make a choice that supports someone else. The two choices feel so tangled that it feels like you “are” the conflict.
Radical thought: What if a conflict is actually an opportunity in disguise? A conflict can bring you to an awareness that you are standing at a significant threshold. In a spiritual sense, thresholds are important. A threshold is a boundary that separates different energies. It has a kind of mythic quality that carries the energy of Passage and Transformation.
Think of a situation in your life that you are ready to change, but something is holding you back. Gather together in your mind all the elements of this currently uncomfortable situation, all the beliefs and tangles and relationships and stories from your past. Imagine this situation that you want to change as an energy field.
Create a similar energy field space for the situation of the new step you want to take. Put the one that represents the new change in front of you, and the one that now feels difficult behind you.
Stand on the threshold between the two choices. Sense into both energy fields. One choice is the voice in you that comes from your past, your training in your family, how you had to be to survive, the voice of your “good boy or girl.” The other choice is your true voice.
Think about (don’t do it yet!) stepping forward into the change. Feel into the conflict that comes up in you.
- Notice where and how you experience the conflict in your body.
- What are the emotions connected to the conflict?
- What is the intensity of the body sensations and the emotion 0-10?
- What is the story that you are telling yourself about this threshold?
- Give the story a title.
TAP for what is holding you back:
Tapping Round 1:
Imagine yourself standing behind the threshold, in the energy space where you feel blocked and limited. Tap from this space/perspective. Add any other thoughts to the tapping as they occur to you.
Even though I have this conflict, I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though I have all this inner potential, and I can see myself stepping into it, I have not been choosing myself… I deeply and completely forgive myself…I have been doing the best I can…
And even though it is really stressful to stay in this space, and it is really stressful to see what could be, and feel I can’t go there, I believe in myself anyway… and I’m willing to see this conflict differently.
Tapping the points:
Part of me is able to fly free and see far
Part of me feels rooted and bound in the past
This really upsets me
It is so uncomfortable
I have a hard time dealing with this tension
Taking this next step feels so right
Taking this next step feels so unfamiliar and scary
This terrible tension
Part of me moving me forward
Part of me holding me back
I don’t want to feel what I am feeling underneath it all
The space I am in now feels so limiting
The space I am in now feels so familiar and safe
How can I release myself from past images of myself so I can move forward?
How can I keep what is good about the past and move on?
How can I choose the best parts of the next step, and go slowly, in discovery?
I don’t want to remember what it was like in the past, I am protecting myself
In spite of everything, I’m open to seeing this conflict differently…
I’m willing to feel what I feel, so I can let this conflict go, and open a space around it…maybe…
I’m willing to let go of my resistance to this, and I want to think about it differently, I want to find some reconciliation with my spirit….
What if this conflict is my spirit’s way of letting me know that there is an opportunity here?
I am willing to stand on the threshold, and notice what feels different.
Close your eyes and take a deep breath… and release… and just sit quietly and consider some way that you might see things differently now…. …what would help you to feel differently about it? What could you tell yourself about it to change the story just a bit?
Healing this conflict is always possible. When you stand on the threshold you can become aware that you have choice. Healing the past is always an option. You can always begin again. It is always possible to step onto the threshold, hold the whole space of both energy fields, and contemplate your options.
Tapping Round 2:
Now, consider this belief that you might hold: “I can’t want anything for myself.” Has this been true for you?
For this tapping round, still stay in the energy space of the present where forward movement is blocked.
Even though I can’t want anything for myself… I have spent all of my life pleasing others. I accept and appreciate myself for finding ways to survive.
Even though sometimes I think I don’t even know what I want, and if I did, I wouldn’t know how to take the first step toward it…I accept myself anyway, and I honor myself for how difficult this has been.
Even though it is not possible to ask for what I want, receive what I want, or accept it if it is given to me, I realize that my body and my heart are telling me that I may be literally sick of ignoring myself…. I understand that I have been living this way… and I believe that I am here to begin something new.
Tapping the points:
I often honor what other people want more than I honor myself
As soon as I have wants, and dare to go for them, someone comes along and takes them away,
Then they punish me for having wants in the first place
What I want is not valued by others
Even when I do go after my wants and achieve them, I feel disappointed and discouraged going for any other or greater ‘wants’
My forward motion is blocked
I am afraid I will fail
These feelings of (notice your feelings):
Anxiety, sadness, fear, anger, feeling vulnerable, feeling crazy, alone, helpless, depressed, dismissed, guilty, unworthy, trapped, helpless…
What I feel in my body (notice what you feel in your body)
Feeling disconnected from my body
Feeling disconnected from my soul
All the preparation and planning I need to do…where do I start?
There is so much stress
All these challenges
Underneath all this is a seed of freedom
I believe in my broad vision of what is possible
I believe that when I am in harmony with the earth, I have hope for my future
I can begin again
I can always begin again
Tapping Round 3:
Ask yourself, “Do I need approval from anyone in this situation?”
Are you listening to your inner voice, your own truth for right now? Or, who are you listening to? Whose voice?
Do you need to be liked or understood by them? A sensitive person has genuine needs for connection, needs that must be honored—and we can do EFT to detach those needs from people who continue to be unresponsive and only hurt and disappoint us if we try to get our needs for connection met with them.
Even though I need this connection I deeply accept myself anyway
Even though I need their approval…or I need them to like me…I believe in myself… and I honor myself for my need for connection…
Even though I want connection… I’m willing to accept that I can’t make this happen… and if that person is not responsive, I’m detaching now… I am choosing to connect with myself… to like myself… to seek my own approval of myself… my connection with myself is more important
Tapping the points:
I feel I must take care of everything at once.
My feelings don’t matter.
I must be perfect.
I must get everything done at once in order to feel OK.
I am fearful of making a mistake.
I don’t know who is safe to ask for assistance.
What will others think?
I am desperate for approval,
I put their needs over mine.
My own power/influence/existence just seems to disappear when I listen to others.
When I am by myself I am better about listening to my self.
I don’t want to have isolate myself in order to hang onto myself.
What I needed from them
Putting them first
It hurts that they don’t seem to honor me
But I can’t make them act a certain way
I honor my need for connection
So I’m detaching from them now…
I am unplugging from them, and plugging into myself instead
Untying, untangling my ties to them, unraveling that unhealthy web I was caught in, connecting to myself instead.
I am no longer giving my power away
Standing before this threshold, I believe in paying attention to possibilities.
I believe in this threshold as a promise of growth.
I believe in this threshold as a promise of abundance in my life, even if it is unseen now.
I believe that if I pay attention to opportunities that present themselves, and do the work, that my work will bear fruit.
I believe that the earth gives me a place to grow.
I believe I am here for a reason.
I believe that I am here to begin something new.
I understand that this conflict is really an opportunity
I am ready to step onto the threshold, and take the next step, in my own timing.
Think again of the conflict you had.
Notice how you are thinking about the conflict differently now. How might it be an opportunity?
Imagine stepping forward to stand on the threshold.
What do you feel drawn to do next?
With my love and blessing to you,