Home… hard to know what it is if you’ve never had one
Home… I can’t say where it is but I know I’m going home
That’s where the hurt is
Walk on, walk on
What you got they can’t steal it
No they can’t even feel it
Walk on, walk on…
Stay safe tonight
Walk on, walk on
What you’ve got they can’t deny it
Can’t sell it, can’t buy it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight
I know it aches
How your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on
Leave it behind
You’ve got to leave it behind
All that you fashion
All that you make
All that you build
All that you break
All that you measure
All that you steal
All this you can leave behind
All that you reason
All that you sense
All that you speak
All you dress up
All that you scheme…
From “Walk On” by the band U2
Dedicated to Aung San Suu Kyi of Myanmar (Burma), Nobel Peace Prize winner in 1991 for her non-violent struggle for democracy and human rights.
“I am feeling a resident sadness in my heart”
There is a lot that is weighing heavy on our hearts these days. One woman said to me, “It is scary to move forward into the world from my heart. Inside me there is a young girl wanting to make the world a better place. But how do you do that in this world? I am feeling a ‘resident sadness’ in my heart.”
These comments come directly from a highly sensitive temperament finding it painful to be so open, and yet still deeply committed to making the world a better place.
Listen for a metaphor
I was captured by her phrase, “a resident sadness in my heart.” I love to listen carefully to peoples’ language, and I always assume that some part of them is speaking literally through a metaphor. So this meant to me that there was a presence in her heart that was somehow “not her” – heavier, more painful, and only living there temporarily, not at home there in her heart.
It is interesting to use the metaphors that people speak in to develop tapping phrases. My thoughts and intuition here were going toward imagining what would entice this resident to transform itself or leave, and I also wanted to learn what aspect of her was truly at home in her heart. Then we would do our co-creative work together to make a place for happiness and peace in her heart.
Ask for the inner self-talk
I asked her to tell me what her inner self-talk was around all this. Specifically, I asked her to give her sadness a voice, and let it talk. She said:
“I don’t deserve this.
I must have done something wrong.
I’m not the best practitioner.
Am I worth charging for my services?
Am I good enough?
They can’t afford to pay me.”
Find a specific incident
It was sounding like she was beginning to think of a specific incident, so I asked about it. She talked about her work as a veterinarian, and a particular case that was draining her:
I don’t feel like I can meet her needs.
I worry about what she expects of me.
I’m not sure I can heal her dog.
She won’t follow my suggestions.
It is easier not to be with her.
It’s too much pressure.
I try to avoid having her come to the office.
I am evasive, fighting myself, procrastinating.
I wonder how to fit into her finances.
I want to make her happy.
I want her resources to go to what will help her dog.
I realize that I am my best resource but I leave myself out.
As you will have noticed, all of these phrases are great EFT tapping statements. If they have resonance for you, just put “Even though…” in front of each one, and use them as you tap on the points.
Ask: “How would you like to be in this situation?”
I wanted to get a sense of what presence was the deeper “resident” of her heart. I asked her to how she would like to be in this situation. “Calm and clear,” was her answer. So I asked her to think of where in her body she felt that sensation (“In my throat and in my chest”) and a time when she had acted in just that way.
An example readily popped into her mind. “The time when I confronted my step daughter with strength, clarity and love. I told her for the first time what I needed. The whole situation changed for the better as a result.”
Find a positive reminder phrase
She called this calm clear voice the “Voice of my High Heart.”
Now we were ready to tap. I used the themes from the self talk above in the beginning of the EFT set up statements, and added phrases about the specific situation. Those phases also were useful on the tapping points. As it felt appropriate, I brought in the positive reminder phrase.
Even though I don’t feel good enough to meet her needs, and I am speaking in the voice that is expected of me, I accept myself anyway and I am ready to bring healing to this “resident sadness.”
Even though there is a part of me that is so sad, feeling like I must have done something wrong, and I wonder if it has something to do with trying to meet her expectations, I accept myself and all my feelings anyway, and I honor myself for how hard and painful this has been.
Even though I have never learned to value my true worth, and I worry that I am not good enough to charge for my services, I love and accept myself enough to realize that I am my own best resource, and I have been leaving myself out! I choose now to stand up for the “resident spirit of my heart.”
Even though I never learned in my family how to speak with my own voice – I had to do what they expected of me to survive – I accept myself deeply and completely and I want to learn to use the calm clear “Voice of my High Heart.” like I did with my stepdaughter.
Even though I feel my throat constricting around this true voice, and the sadness of all the things I haven’t said on my own behalf is weighing heavy in my heart, I choose to be my own resource, and learn to speak up for myself with the calm clear Voice of my High Heart.
Even though I feel this resident sadness about the world because it is so hard to “be me” in it, I am choosing to open to the message it has for me: I choose to use the calm clear “Voice of my High Heart.” I choose to create my home in my own Heart with integrity.
(If you can relate to some of these themes, pick out some of the phrases which capture your imagination or stir an emotional reaction in you and use them as your own tapping point phrases.)
After we tapped, my client said suddenly, “This voice is coming from my whole self!” She had been feeling like the right and the left sides of her body were two different people. On her right side the flow of energy had felt diminished, and the left side felt constricted, consumed with hyper-vigilance. Now she was feeling like her right side woke up and her whole being expanded. She began to talk about feeling a “resident glee in my Heart!”
Home is Where the Heart Is
The concept of “Home in my Heart” has many resonances. In Chinese medicine the Heart is considered the home of the Spirit.
Here are some passages from Between Heaven and Earth: A Guide to Chinese Medicine, by Benfield and Korngold, a good and lyrical source of information that can enhance our EFT work:
The Heart is considered the ruler because like a benevolent and enlightened monarch it is all-knowing and ever-present, sharing its wisdom unconditionally for the good of the whole. Our Fire aspect represents fulfillment: the total expression and integration of our being, the full extent of our expansion, maturation and development.
….The Heart maintains awareness by integrating and communicating experience, establishing an interconnectedness between our inner life and external universe. The Heart enfolds and envelops the Spirit.
….A sense of individualized being and at the same time a sense of union with others is the power of the Heart.
….In order for the Heart network to function well, it must remain peaceful and protected. When there is agitation and unrest, it is difficult for the Heart to respond appropriately to sensory input. This makes the Heart insecure and generates anxiety.
….The Heart has the pure nature of Fire. It exudes warmth and light: the warmth of god circulation and the light of consciousness…When the Heart Network functions properly, a person has a tranquil mind, good memory, clear senses, restful sleep, and a robust complexion. It is the nature of the Heart to be accessible, responsive, and serene, like a monarch who rules not by force, but by spreading joy, maintaining peace, and establishing communication.
Bless Your Heart
The heart is not just a pumping machine. It is an intelligence system. It is in fact the most intelligent system of all our brains, with its own receptors, its own electromagnetic force, from 45 to 70 times more powerful than the brains of the neocortex, and the only force capable of changing our own DNA. It is the heart that turns each one of us into living cells. No one of us is human until the heart beats. That first beat of the heart is what makes us human.
We say “home is where the heart is.” In the deepest sense, every action we take, and every thought, every belief is creating a home in which to hold the Spirit of our Heart. Home in our hearts is where we feel the power to give, foster, nourish, empower, love, hold and create. Isn’t this what we really mean by “I deeply and completely love and accept myself?”
EFT is a wonderful supporter of our Heart. When your Heart hurts, add some heart-felt blessings to your EFT set-up statements:
Even though______, I love and accept myself anyway, and I choose to bless where I am right now.
Even though______, I love and accept myself anyway, and I choose to bless whoever I am with, in a way that feels good to me.
Even though______, I love and accept myself anyway, and I choose to bless myself. I really am doing the best I can.
Even though______, I do love and accept myself, and I choose to bless what I do.
Even though______, I do love and accept myself, and I choose to bless my Heart. Bless my Heart!
In these days of challenge, give yourself the gift of some tapping to heal some of the ache and break and hurt in your Heart. Help yourself to come home for the holidays. The vibration you create within you will be a gift to us all. You will be making the world a better place.
With my love and blessings,