Too Big for Your Britches? - Rue's News

	Rue's News January 2007 Volume 1, Issue 4

	In this Edition... Welcome Too Big for Your Britches? Claim Your Gift! New Teleclasses Books, Books, Books Welcome! Hello Dear Friends - To all the new subscribers to this letter, thank you for joining this thoughtful, caring community of people who are willing to dream big about what is positive and possible for our world! Please let me know your response to the newsletter, and let me know too what you would like to read about here. I love hearing from you. Thank you particularly to those of you who have answered the questions I asked about future teleclasses that would appeal to you. If you haven't yet, claim YOUR copy of my ebook, "OUT, RAGE! 5 EASY STEPS TO FEELING BETTER RIGHT NOW WITH EFT." Just answer the questions at the end of the online version of this newsletter, and it is yours.
	Too Big For Your Own Britches? Find Some Soul-Sized Ones! How many times have we heard the equivalent of & You are getting too big for your own britches! Who do you think you are? You’ll get the big head! Don’t make waves! Don’t stand out!” Someone said in an email: “I realize that I am afraid to take my Power because I would alienate ‘Them’ and ‘They’ would be afraid of me. I would be too big for my britches. There can only be one Cook, one Chief and how dare I think it should be me. ‘They’ are thinking that if I take charge, what will happen to them? It would kill them to have to answer to me. Besides, I may become as tyrannical, bossy, uncaring, bitchy, and controlling as ‘Them.’ I don’t want to be as using, and manipulative as ‘Them’. But who am I to take the lead? People are already afraid of me, and I am afraid of me too. Who am I that anyone should follow?” These are good questions. Who are you indeed? Who Sizes Those Old Tight Britches, Anyway?! I love the evocative nature of that phrase “too big for your own britches.” Hmmm, who sizes these britches, anyway? If you are getting too big for your britches, what if that is a GOOD thing? How could you find britches big enough for you? What would it mean ABOUT you that you are bigger than those old tight britches? Where would you go for britches that fit? Is there somewhere where you can get “soul sized” britches? And by the way, who would you be if you were as big and confident and successful as the britches that you are growing into? Who are you already, that people even think they have to say this to you? The possibilities are endless! Then I worked with Karenna, a woman who grew up locked in the belief cage of “If I succeed, I will lose my mom.” Her mother had been given up at only three years old because her own mother “didn’t want me anymore.” So Karenna came into the world made to be both the child her mother had never gotten to be and the parent her mother had never had. If I Succeed I Won’t Be Loved The unspoken pact was that Karenna would take care of her mother so her mother could take care of the family. Karenna grew up feeling that she was not allowed to take up space when other people were suffering. If she took up space she would not be loved. At the same time, here was a bright, creative girl with a strong presence and a fierce determination. As an adult woman with many creative successes under her belt already and more possible on the horizon, she felt, in her words, “trapped between Rodeo Drive and being a homeless person”: I can be big, I feel big inside, I need to be big so I can help other people, I am really good at what I do, I can taste success, this could really happen for me. vs. It’s bad to feel big, I want to curl into a little ball, you are selfish and bad, if you take care of yourself the universe will fall apart, if you don’t contract and pull in you will be all alone and you will die. Sound familiar? The Cage Begins To Be Dismantled Karenna and I had had some previous sessions on these beliefs, and she was beginning to feel the edges of her cage softening. Or maybe it was that she was growing a little, and pushing out the sides. She was saying things like, “There is an opening and a flowing inside. I feel spacey, but still I feel strong in my body. I ‘ought’ to be fearful but I am not.” I suggested that maybe the “spacey feeling” wasn’t a bad thing, but an indication that she was actually expanding inside. That was an interesting thought to her, and she began to explore it. But then she began to get a strong familiar “scary emotional feeling,” a “shivering” in her chest. This stuck feeling, it turned out, was what happened when she started “getting too big,” and the result was always procrastination, and the particular success that seemed about to materialize slipped through her fingers. We tapped in this session for all these feelings, beliefs and fears. Openings and insights began cascading in Karenna’s mind and body. It was one of those times that feel surrounded in blessing. Afterwards, I asked Karenna if she would be willing to write some notes about what we had done. And she produced this REALLY BIG wonderful account of what is possible when you can invite all those scared, cramped parts of you to step out of that old constricting cage, and take a breath, and see the world through wholly different eyes. Resolving the Old Family Story 11/7/06 I love this feeling so calm and restful that I can barely remember the session or the issues we covered, even though it was only ten minutes ago. I love not feeling like I need to hold onto anything that happened because it is so deep in me that I have no need to worry at it with my mind in order to make sure it stays with me -- its just part of me now. But there are a few things that I want to say out loud on paper so that I celebrate them further -- not to hold onto them but to speak them again because it feels good. By getting big and taking my creative place in the exterior world, I am not abandoning mom or leaving her behind to her life of conflict and turmoil -- I am actually taking the struggle that she lived with her entire life and resolving it. Resolving it by allowing in that it is a created struggle that has outlived its usefulness. In Mom's young life, when she shuttled from foster home to orphanage with her older sister as her lifeline, it was useful and important to struggle with how to be big without taking up too much room, so that her sister wouldn't be angry at her. Mend Your Broken Wings But that hardened into the family story that if you take up room, if you are beautiful or big or smart, then there will not be enough left over for anyone else, so you have to somehow struggle to live up to your potential, to your bigness and your beauty -- while staying small enough that you won't be taking away from anyone else. I've lived my whole life twisted by the struggle to be big and small at the same time, so that Mom will be proud of me but won't reject me for taking up too much room. I thought my survival depended on it -- Mom won't love me if I am selfish and bad and take up all the space by not putting other peoples needs first. And if Mom didn't love me, then the universe would fall apart, because it was only our carefully crafted love for each other that kept everyone safe and kept everything running. I broke my own wings when I started to fly, so that I wouldn't abandon Mom by abandoning that belief. So that I wouldn't get too big. Finally, at 49, I am getting very big. And I am not leaving Mom behind, I am completing the task she started by allowing in that it is possible to be big and good at the same time. That there is enough for everyone — enough space, enough love, enough of everything — and that the more I allow myself to have — the more I make space for others to allow in for themselves. The Gate-Keeper of Safety Can Relax! That gatekeeper in my neck, who contracts and keeps my body and head separate, who is always vigilant, always working so hard to keep everything safe by keeping me small, by keeping the toxins isolated in my head so they can't reach my liver and heart, by keeping everything separate so that I won't be too whole and too big — that gatekeeper doesn't have to work so hard any more. I have read aloud to her these words by Helen Keller and I will read them over and over again: "Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of humans as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." - Helen Keller That gatekeeper, that little three year old me who believes that it is her job to keep me safe by keeping everything contracted and separate -- I invite my gatekeeper to join me in this daring adventure, because safety is an illusion that she does not have to work so hard to provide. And then the richest discovery. What Does Safety Feel Like in Your Body? Rue asked what safety feels like. And I realized that safety IS when the gatekeeper in my neck relaxes and allows blood and breath to flow and allows my heart to lead. So truly, feeling safe is not about whether there is danger or not -- and it’s not about whether bad things happen. It’s just about whether the gatekeeper has to work so hard to provide protection that she cannot provide. It’s really only about whether she is scared and contracting or whether she is spreading her wings on the daring adventure. She is not powerless, as she thought she was, and she doesn't have to work hard at all to make me feel safe. All she has to do, in fact, is stop working so hard. All she has to do is allow herself to expand and join the adventure. And all I have to do is cuddle her so that she can feel safe and not be scared. All we have to do is allow ourselves to get big together. Another ancient belief to let go of. There is no duality of safety versus danger. And it’s not true that there is no such thing as safety. Safety is inside me. It is just the perspective of not contracting -- of expanding to meet what comes, instead of pulling in, in fear. Safety already exists inside me, all I have to do is stop working so hard to find it --- and it is there. Thank you Karenna (not her real name, but she gave me permission to share this with you). So... what about a teleclass series on “What to Do when You Get Too Big for Your Own Britches?” Or, how about this one: “Britches for Your Soul, and a Perfect Fit, Without Gaining an Ounce?” Step Off The Beaten Path You can create a “Step Into Soul-Sized Britches” tapping routine for yourself by using the phrases in this article and adding some from your own experience. You might begin by completing some of these unfinished sentences: If I expressed who I really am ____________ When I was a child I couldn’t express myself because___________ They always said I was too_____________ That made me feel______________ That made me think I was______________ Thinking that way about myself made me feel______________ (feelings) And ever since, I have been_______________(limiting behaviors, body symptoms) But what I really yearn for is _________________ Put these statements into set up phrases, and tap several rounds for them. Borrow the Benefits! And now, how about just borrowing Karenna’s benefits? She has offered them to you for that purpose. You can step into britches that fit you, and even have room to grow. Let yourself be as big as you are! Here is a situation where the bigger you are, the better! Just slowly and thoughtfully read aloud to yourself what Karenna has written. Tap over and over through the basic points while you read. Feel into her experience. Make it yours. Replace her “Mom” with the “Them” in YOUR life. When comments, objections or insights arise in you as you read, tap through the points while you talk to yourself about them. When your mind settles again, go back to reading and tapping and borrowing Karenna’s benefits. Let me know what happens! And, talk about synchronicity, I just this minute got this in an email from someone who is reading one of my books and wanted to send me a comment: There’s a part of me that’s totally in love with life, with this incarnation. I can feel part of me just dancing around with my arms open wide, taking it all in. I guess this girl scares the hell out of me as much as she excites me. What if I gave her her head? Surely disaster would ensue. What/who gave me this idea? This fear? I believe it’s generational. Damn, I’m trying so hard to not give that fear to my children. Yet, I know I am. As long as that fear dictates my life to me, I’m passing it on to them. If I learn to embrace it, it will break the chain. That, in the end, is my goal/passion in life at this moment. I want to learn to live so that my children will, too. YES! With my radiant love and blessings, Rue IntuitiveMentoring.com 'Profoundly light-hearted strategies for unsticking stuck stuff' Claim your gift! If you will send me an email answering the following questions (briefly or at length), I will send you an ebook I wrote called Out, Rage! 5 Easy Steps to Feeling Better Right Now with EFT . What is your idea of the very best teleclass ever? As a sensitive person, what concerns and issues do you most want help with resolving? Would you prefer regular monthly teleclasses, or a theme-based 5 week series? If you attend the teleclass or just purchase the recording, would you prefer it to be a downloadable MP3 (to play on your computer or iPod) or would you be willing to pay an additional $10 to have a CD sent to you? New Teleclasses for a New Year! Practice the powerful innovative way of using EFT above, and learn lots of other creative ways to use EFT to change your life with me and other people you will enjoy interacting with in a teleclass. Click here for more information: http://www.intuitivementoring.com/teleclass.html NEW BOOKS! I love sharing the stories of the deep power of change in people's lives. These books are my way of giving a voice to that force of goodness flowing through our humanity. 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	Profoundly lighthearted strategies for unsticking stuck stuff Home • Sensitivity and Chronic Pain •Artful EFT Work � Rue's EFT Books and Resources •Articles and Links • About Rue • Kind Comments Rue Anne Hass, M.A. • rue@intuitivementoring.com 6225 University Ave • Madison, WI 53705