In our six month Re-Imagine Your Life program teleclass, I had asked for participants’ feelings and beliefs about “wanting.”
This is some of Sheryl’s response:
Wanting seems to be less painful than it is numbing. I have wants now, but thinking back to childhood, I hardly remember any of my wants/wishes/dreams. Most of the time when I wanted something, I either didn’t get it or got a poor substitute.
I hear all the limiting language when I start listing wants… “You should be satisfied with what you have,” “We can’t afford that,” “What do you want that for,” “Money doesn’t grow on trees,” “That’s impossible.”
So, it’s better to feel numb and shut down than to feel the let down and disappointment of not getting what I wanted. Speaking out and speaking up wasn’t safe…I learned that at a very young age. Someone else’s wants were always more important than mine. If I got sick and wanted care and attention, someone else—usually my mother—got sicker or had something going on that took the attention away from me.
chrysalisI didn’t learn how to want. Well, maybe I learned how to want…but not how to manifest those wants. I can’t seem to access the blueprint inside for trusting in the process…I don’t trust that wanting will lead to fulfillment of desires.
I find myself thinking that I must be bad, I’m being punished, otherwise I’d get what I want and not what I deserve. I’m not supposed to want for more…that’s not okay…and there’s something wrong with me if I want more than I have…I should be grateful for what I have. Being grateful means not wanting more.
I learned it was better not to ask…not risking disappointment/rejection/failure. Having a voice isn’t safe…wanting isn’t safe.
In a situation like this, Sheryl might have made a list of all the experiences that triggering that old pain around wanting, and tapped on each incident. This was our first session though, and I felt drawn to working with the deep essence of the issue of wanting itself.
I had marked three basic beliefs in the statement above that she sent me, that seemed to be keys to what she was experiencing:
I can’t seem to access the blueprint inside for trusting in the process
I’m being punished, otherwise I’d get what I want and not what I deserve
I’m not supposed to want for more…and there’s something wrong with me if I want more than I have
What also captured my attention was her comment that she had all these issues around “wanting,” and clearly a lot of pain, but all she could feel was numbness. Starting with the feeling, even if it feels like the absence of feeling, it always a good choice in an EFT session. We started with the numbness, and as you will see, the session bloomed gracefully from there.